


A Bit Human

by Pyreneese



Series: A Little Human [2]
Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Grieving, M/M, Moving On, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:46:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25358671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pyreneese/pseuds/Pyreneese
Summary: 5 years after L's death, Matsuda's still grieving for L. Yet he must prepare himself to go to the Yellow Box Warehouse and the possibility of closing the Kira Case once and for all.
Relationships: L/Matsuda Touta
Series: A Little Human [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1836412
Comments: 12
Kudos: 36





	A Bit Human

**Author's Note:**

> I loved writing A Little Human and I loved writing this one too :). You don't have to read the first one to understand this one, just know that L and Matsuda got together and then L died.

Matsuda's system was jumping with nerves. Tomorrow the entire task force would be going to the Yellow Box Warehouse to meet this 'Near' character. Matsuda huffed. 'L's successor'. Was there even such a thing? It didn't seem possible for any human to succeed L. The thought of the entire case being over tomorrow didn't seem quite real yet either. The prospect hadn't sunken in and Matsuda felt light-headed.

He crossed his legs, expertly arranging his dinner on his lap. Over the past 5 years, he'd become good about not spilling anything. Holding a glass of wine in the air, Matsuda smiled.

"To tomorrow. May we catch Kira and finally put all of this behind us."

In front of him, L's grave stood tall and silent.

Matsuda's smile faltered, but he refused to let it fall from his face.

"Let's see, what happened today. Sayu and I flirted a bit. Heh, don't worry, it's not serious."

He chuckled, tenderly touching the smooth white surface of he cross, seeing his own reflection, warped and warbled. Matsuda tapped his glass thoughtfully.

"Let's see, what else... oh! I finally got around to watching that new show. It's not too bad, the plot's a bit all over the place."

Matsuda swirled his wine, watching the dark liquid swish.

"I don't know what to think of Near. But- I guess if you trusted him enough to name him your successor, I guess that's good enough for me."

The grave remained silent, but the air around it had shifted. Matsuda gave a tight smile.

"Well I guess tomorrow'll be a win no matter what, hm? If we defeat Kira and survive, then we close this case. If we lose and I die... maybe I'll finally get to see you again."

The second the words left his mouth, it was like a switch had been flipped in his brain, tears springing to the corners of his eyes. He inhaled sharply, clearing his throat. The air had gone sad, but he wasn't sure if it was coming from him or the grave. Matsuda blinked, downing the glass in one go and giving a choked laugh.

"So I guess it's a cause for celebration either way."

* * *

One thought.

 _I have to protect Nate_.

The second he'd seen Near, he knew he'd do anything in his power to protect him. L's successor. Possibly the only person alive besides the task force who knew him. Those deeply analytical grey eyes were so similar that it felt like Matsuda was looking at a reincarnation of L.

"He's got a piece of the death note!" Mogi yelled.

A voice screamed in his mind, and he thought for a second that it was L's...

_Touta! Protect Nate! **Please**!_

And Matsuda did. He fired without thinking, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Light was Kira...

All the people that Light killed!

Aiber!

Wedy!

The Chief!

L...

He just shot Light... he- he just-...

"Matsuda, you idiot! Who do you think you're shooting at?! Don't screw with me!"

 _Idiot... idiot... idiot_... L told him! L told everyone, even Matsuda countless times! Matsuda trembled, his teeth chattering. Why didn't he listen? If he just had, would L be alive? Was this his fault? Why didn't he listen?

"What was it all for then? What about your dad? What did _he_ die for?!"

Matsuda's knees buckled, his arms shaking.

Light was Kira. And he'd been an idiot. Like usual. Light laughed, insanity bleeding through every sound. All Matsuda could was stare, watch in disbelief as Light called his own father a fool. Matsuda wanted to break down. Even 5 years later, he wanted to be able to hug L, try to find comfort in that bony body.

"He's using his blood!"

L's panicked cry,

 _No_!

A scream tore through Matsuda's throat as he pulled the trigger, letting his anger and pain take over.

He charged forward, blind rage clouding his vision. Dead. He wanted Light _dead_. He was going to rip this bastard apart with his bare hands if he had to!

"I'll kill him," His voice was dripping with disgust and venom.

Pulling back the gun, he screamed again, wanting nothing more than to see the man's brain splattered against the cold concrete. It was almost too good a fate for the worthless shit.

"I'll kill him!"

All he could see was L's face, unearthly grey eyes and harsh bags. Sharp, angular features showing off his ivory skin. The most beautiful man he'd ever met, the most intelligent and wonderful person.

L's wry smiles. Long fingers and the warm smell of coffee and cake. Crazed black hair the slipped smoothly through Matsuda's fingers.

Matsuda's heart was shattered because of the coward bleeding and yelling on the ground. His voice cracked, every emotion rising at once.

" _He has to die!_ "

Someone held him back and the bullet embedded into the floor next to Light's head. Matsuda's chest heaved, his breath coming out in squeaks. His vision was blurred, the tears smearing his surroundings. The more logical part of his brain knew that Mogi had been the one to jerk his arm back, but for just a singe moment, Matsuda almost believed it was L, the same pressure the detective would've applied and the same overall grip... no. Just an illusion. Aizawa was soon to join Mogi in holding his other arm.

He trusted Light! When L died... he went to the morgue with him! Matsuda sank into Mogi and Aizawa's grips, trying not to sob.

Why did L have to die? It was all so pointless...

Mikami let out a war cry, plunging a pen into his throat. Matsuda's head whipped in his direction, watching in a stunned horror as blood gushed into the air, a terrifying waterfall. Matsuda was frozen, his breath coming out short and quick. So much blood and death. People screaming and trying to get the bleeding under control. Mikami's haunting gurgles.

The door opened and before he knew what was happening, Light had disappeared. Matsuda stiffened. Light... had left? When Mikami was spraying blood and dying in plain sight, all Light could think about was escaping? Mogi quickly took charge.

"After him!"

"There's no need. He won't get far," Near responded calmly, unperturbed.

Huh, very much like L. The task force glared at Near, Mogi swiftly staking his claim in going after Light. Near's face fell, young features backing down as he shrugged. Matsuda was grateful, this dark, red hatred kept pulsing in his neck, making the blood in his ears roar. He wasn't sure if he could survive just standing there and waiting for the end.

He needed to see Light die.

No, he needed to pull the fucking trigger.

Rushing outside, Mogi split them up, commanding them in different directions of the pier.

Matsuda's legs took off, running so fast that he didn't even register his surroundings. Tearing from warehouse to warehouse, his gun poised in his fingers, he roared in frustration, becoming more and more frantic. By the time he barreled into the last one, baring his teeth, his hair was tussled and messy, his eyes crazed with fury.

He didn't even feel like himself anymore. Like Touta Matsuda had died with L, and the only thing left behind was a wounded, furious creature.

" _Where are you, you son of a bitch?!_ "

Matsuda froze.

His knees locked, every trace of anger and hatred diffusing with a hiss, his voice small.

"L...?"

It must've been a hallucination. His back was to Matsuda, looking down at a bled out Light sprawled across stairs. There was a soft blue aura surrounding him, calming and grounding. Matsuda gaped, the gun falling to his side.

"L?"

L slowly turned, his eyes hidden beneath a mess of bangs. Matsuda almost laughed. He never thought he'd see him again. There weren't any pictures of him at headquarters, meaning he'd had to rely wholly on his memory.

But seeing that face... his thin yet powerful frame... Matsuda's eyes misted.

"L!"

He raced forward, a part of him expecting for his arms to go through the spirit. But they didn't. He felt gentle fabric brushing his cheek, could smell the sweetness of cake and the fain bitterness of coffee mixing together to create something soothing. Matsuda gripped him tightly, his fingers clutching the lean muscles under L's shirt.

"Oh, God, L!"

He felt dying himself. Lying down and joining the man in his arms.

L tenderly yet silently passed his long, elegant fingers through Matsuda's locks, pressing down on his scalp and sending his heart racing.

"... Thank you."

Matsuda blinked, burying his face in L's chest.

"Please don't go," he whimpered.

But the apparition was already fading, dissolving into the air.

Soon, he was falling through the air. Matsuda stumbled forward, almost losing his balance. He caught himself at the last minute, pinwheeling his arms.

He managed to steady himself, looking down at Light's body, blood seeping down the steps and his eyes slipped shut. Matsuda's grip on his gun tightened... but his hand relaxed. He slumped to the floor, staring at Light's shoe, his mind racing. L was gone and there was no changing that. Mutilating Kira's corpse wouldn't change that. Besides.

Matsuda looked up at a whole in the warehouse's roof, being met with brilliant magentas and purples slowly fading into night.

L was at peace.

He wasn't quite sure how he knew, but he could feel it. The air had a calm to it that it didn't before.

Matsuda smiled.

* * *

He stood awkwardly off to the side while the ambulance came and took the bodies away. Matsuda fiddled with the gun in his belt, running a finger over the handle. He killed Kira... he did that... and everyone had agreed to keep the secret that Light was Kira... mostly to save Sachiko and Sayu from the inevitable death threats and mobs that would've followed. Sachiko already lost a husband, son and had a wheelchair-bound daughter. That family didn't need anymore on their plate.

Matsuda was so lost in thought that he didn't notice a small hand gently gripping his sleeve. He stiffened, looking down at see Near, one hand fiddling with a finger-puppet.

"You and L were romantically involved."

It was a statement, no hint of a question to be heard. Matsuda gaped.

"How did you-"

"Come to England with me."

Matsuda stared.

"Um... right-right now?"

"Do you have somewhere else to be? As L, I can tell the Japanese police that I need you for as long as I see fit. You don't have to stay for long... but I want to show you something."

Matsuda tried to ignore the flash of annoyance at Near calling himself L. But Near had a point. Kira was dead, what was he supposed to do? Immediately go back to work as if nothing happened? His mother wouldn't miss him and the task force might wonder how he was, but that'd be the extent of it. Sighing heavily, Matsuda bobbed his head.

"Yeah... why not..."

* * *

Matsuda thought he might break down on the spot.

L's old room in an older orphanage.

There were computers and laptops scattered haphazardly and a still-messy bed in the corner. Resting against the wall were various tennis rackets, each one decorated with little dessert stickers. Matsuda laughed sadly, slowly sitting on the bed. He tried to imagine L as a child, crazy hair sticking in all directions and scrawny beyond belief... he didn't need to imagine... on the far side of the room, there was a wall completely dedicated to pictures taped on the wood. Matsuda approached the wall in awe while Near nodded.

"Mr. Matsuda, you're looking at the only pictures in the world of L Lawliet. Only I and Roger have the key to this room... meaning you're now only 1 of 3 people alive who've seen these."

L Lawliet... that was his name? Such an odd name, but then again, L was anything but ordinary.

Matsuda huffed a chuckle, examining each and every photo. Most of them were from when L was young. His eyes bugged and he seemed so small compared to the others around him.

He laughed out loud at one where L had apparently been trying to bake. Flour and eggs coated his hair and face, his eyes lit up as he held out a misshapen cake to the camera. Some of them were surprise shots taken of him curled up in the library, or sleeping on a bench outside. One where he was smiling brightly in a vampire Halloween costume, a birthday hat attached to his head with a large 12 on it. He kept scanning them, shaking his head.

"Wow..."

It was all his poor brain could muster, a wall of emotion hitting him. Near shuffled a foot.

"You can take one if you like. Now that he's gone, there's not much point in keeping them under such heavy lock and key."

Matsuda's throat closed on him. He could take one?...

He settled on what appeared to be the most recent picture of L. In it, L was holding a small kitten up for the camera, supporting it tenderly in his arms. His usually cold grey eyes were sparked with warmth, the kind of warmth that took Matsuda's breath away. Long fingers were gently gripping the kitten, his other hand softly scratching the kitten's head. L was smiling, holding the young animal close.

"Sometimes L would visit... Mello found it out in the woods, almost dead and L helped us nurse it back to health... that picture was taken about a week before he went to Japan."

Matsuda's gaze snapped in his direction, eyes wide. Near nodded solemnly. He held up a finger.

"Hold on..." stepping into the hallway, he clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. A now adult cat scampered into the room, flicking her tail, her pupils dilated.

Matsuda breathed out, bending and scratching her chin.

"Thank you," Matsuda whispered, pocketing the photo.

Near pointed out to the rest of the manor.

"Obviously this room has the most stuff from him, but if you'd like to see the rest of the manor-"

Matsuda swallowed.

"I would... I'd love to see where L grew up..."


End file.
